i just texted myself to see if my texts were working
forgot i texted myself
received that message
and then replied to myself with “who is this”
and then received that message two seconds later and was like “whoah who is that”
literally the stupidest thing
i have ever done
To anyone feeling hopeless, alone or depressed,
To anyone who believes that they can’t overcome their problems,
Here is a number of sentences about my thoughts and views; don’t assume they’re going to help you, and don’t assume they’re not, they are based on my life and not yours. Given that I don’t know who you are based on the whole “blog published to 290 people many of whom i do not know” thing, I have no way of writing some magically tailored rant that will solve your problems.
I have been using the word problems and people often misunderstand the meaning of the word.
A “problem” is often taken to be an immutable “thing” that just sort of sits there and fucks you over, when in fact the definition of a problem is “a matter or situation regarded as unwelcome or harmful and needing to be dealt with and overcome.”
So it’s much better to think of your problems more as annoying things that are in the way of you completing the game of life and becoming the ultimate ruler of the universe.
Also a number of words on failure: I am a failure. I am a proud failure. Chances are that if you have bothered reading this far, you are also a failure. But the thing about a person who fails is that they are still playing. Failing in life is exactly like failing in a game insofar as what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.
At this point I imagine some people reading this are thinking “oh but what about cancer/sharks/being struck by lightning”, to which i say that you’ve misunderstood what I mean by “stronger”; when someone is diagnosed with cancer or a limb deficiency due to shark-related maulings, their body may have just been ravaged and possibly their mind too, but of course someone’s going to have a hard time if you ramp up the difficulty of the game they’re playing. You can’t take a beginner ice skater and dump them in the Olympics and assume they’ll get a medal, it doesn’t work like that. But the fact that they’re even still going means that they’re now operating at a baseline of still-going-and-not-stopping in a dramatically more difficult situation.
So think of it like someone going from consistent A’s at GCSE to suddenly getting 20% on third-year pharmacology papers in a university. Sure, their grade sucks, but think of it from a scaled perspective - if you take, say, Fictional Alex who is fine and happy without any issues and getting to school on time etc. Alex is doing well in life. Now let’s take Fictional Jay, and let’s give them no legs. Jay sometimes gets to school on time, which is pretty impressive given that Jay has no legs and is attempting to get from their home to an educational establishment with no legs.
Going back to problems, your problems aren’t problems - they’re really just challenges that take varying levels of munchkinnery to solve;
Depression? Take special drugs and do therapy, and eat lots of bananas or drink tea every morning. Maybe get a friend to kick you out of bed in the morning or rig your bed to tip you out when your alarm goes off.
Anxiety? Take special drugs and do therapy, and maybe press-gang a close friend into trying to make you rationally think about how maybe that person doesn’t hate you because they didn’t answer your text quickly.
No legs? Use your arms or get a wheelchair, maybe find someone hench who will carry you around and you can form a dynamic duo and fight crime together.
In any case, you are a failure and all that really means is that you’re failing.
If you’re failing, you clearly must be doing something, because you can’t fail if you’re not trying - that would just be called “not doing anything”.
If you’re trying, then that means that:
A. you’re one of those ridiculous main characters like the dude from Bleach who literally gets hacked to bits then gets up and somehow beats the bad guys just because he’s stubborn and because fuck them.
B. every time you try and fail, your brain thinks “right ok that went tits up, but how and why? and more importantly what can we fix next time?”
"What can we fix next time" is basically the easiest way to turn failure into an ingenious way of godmodding your ability to not suck.
This has been a miscellaneous rambling of 11pm thoughts, thank you and goodnight